You too can be freed from Rambling misery!
Rambling addiction is one of the hardest addictions to conquer. The highs can be incredible, but you always come down again. Otherwise you won’t get back to your car, unless you’re on an Escher ramble.*
However, Ramblers Anonymous can help you to help yourself. If you are a walkaholic we are there for you. By taking our twelve steps, steps, footsteps, follow the footpath, whoops had a relapse there you can free yourself from the demon hike. It is important to remember that rambling addiction can never be cured. The cravings will never go away, but the support of other recovering walkaholics can help you to live a life without walking.
Ramblers Anonymous is, as the name implies, completely anonymous, absolutely, totally anonymous, as long as you stand up in front of everybody and tell them your name. Make no mistake, it takes great courage to stand up in front of a room full of people and say “My name is …. and I am a rambler”. We have all seen people with a severe hike problem claiming to simply be a “social walker” who likes a quiet walk with friends at the weekend, but you must be prepared to admit to being a walkaholic.
Walkers can be very adept at hiding their problem from their nearest and dearest, especially as they rarely match the stereotype of the gnarled red-sock rambler in a woolly hat.
Many ramblers manage to hold down responsible jobs, like “Mr X” (that’s Mr Arthur X of 13 Acacia Avenue, Southport, no relation to Malcolm X), who has a walk on his way to work, several walks “between buildings” during the day and another walk on his way home as well as spending his leisure time walking and finding out how to get to walk. Others hide the problem from themselves, like “Miss Scarlett” (in the Peak District, with the walking pole) who “just has a short one with friends at the weekend”, but the units, or “miles” soon add up.
It is very hard to resist your cravings when legal hikes are so readily available. “Gear” is sold openly on the street and footpath users can be seen shooting up hills in broad daylight. Recent legislation to allow 24 hour opening of access land seems to have encouraged a culture of binge hiking, with people boasting about how many peaks they can bag in a day. The anti-social consequences can be seen every weekend, with hikers roaming the streets in search of their next fix of tea and cake.
An important part of recovery is to find something else to fill the space that walking took in your life. There are plenty of other ways to enjoy the great outdoors. How about climbing? You can stare at the same piece of rock for several hours and remain trapped and motionless in the rain. Or what about caving? Drive to the loveliest parts of the White Peak in order to ignore the scenery. Instead spend the day in the dank cold darkness, battling claustrophobia and probably getting killed. Alternatively you can just spend your time drinking and taking drugs.
Brendan Barnes, Notts Derby Walking Group
*A theoretical circular route that only goes uphill, a reference to the Dutch artist MC Escher.
